Astounding AI Breakthrough!
Important Discovery Coincides With Congressional Hearings Led by Marjorie Taylor Greene Yesterday
A major player in artificial intelligence research and development will soon be announcing an exponential leap forward in the accuracy, efficiency, and overall human relatability of its products. The big news? They improved their products by blocking all content generated by Marjorie Taylor Greene from their AI ecosystem. Plans are also underway to prevent the future ingestion of anything she writes or says.
Our insider at the company told us that, for experimental purposes, some engineers live streamed yesterday’s hearing of the congressional subcommittee on government efficiency—during which Greene questioned the heads of National Public Radio and the Public Broadcasting System. The engineers wanted to monitor what their AI models were “learning” on the fly as the models “watched” the proceedings. The engineers documented extreme processing dips and lags whenever Greene was speaking. By the end of the hearing, the AI models not only had “learned” nothing new—they had regressed.
“We eliminated all possible contributing factors to this phenomenon,” our insider told us, “until we were left with Greene herself. I’ll go ahead and say it—she made our AI models dumber.” The engineers then quarantined all content ever generated by Greene from their AI models. Once unburdened, the AI models improved dramatically by all measures. Our contact told us that “the company’s system for requesting bug fixes is cross-referenced directly into our AI models. Hundreds of backlogged requests automatically switched to a ‘solved’ status once the Greene content was gone.”
“We can’t explain it,” said our contact. “AI ‘learns’ by acquiring all kinds of data created by innumerable people—in countless contexts. It’s not afraid to embrace something and see what can be ‘learned’ from it. At some point, AI will have to apply some basic logic to the data being studied. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s content just bounces off of the logic. The content seems to have no place in the advancement of any kind of knowledge.”
“It’s like we’ve discovered some anomaly in the fossil record, or picked up radio signals from a long-dead galaxy,” our insider said. “We know we’re looking at something unprecedented, but what? In ways we don’t yet understand, Greene’s content may be carrying forward vestiges of the actual birth of stupidity eons ago.” When asked what comes next, our insider lowered their voice: “Well, there’s been talk of cyber warfare applications. A targeted release of Greene content into an enemy’s AI project could set it back for years on end.”
I think this makes perfect sense. As swamp drainers toil away at dehydrating the fruits of the vineyards of wisdom and experience, those croaking frogs, descended from the sleeping great reptiles that saw no reason for alarm over hurtling asteroids, fail to notice a creeping increase in temps of the swamp water in which they squat and croak. They fail to notice how their croaks become louder and more raucous for no recognizable reason.